Sorry I have been MIA for so long. Believe me it’s not for lack of wanting to right, because I have plenty to say.
*A disclaimer before you start reading: I’m real and I say what I feel. If you don’t like that feel free to discontinue reading*
Here are just a few reasons I’ve been absent:
Planning my wedding, finally getting married, the honeymoon, being a wife, moving churches, becoming youth pastors, moving to a new town, nannying full time, photography picking up, and taking on extra tasks at our church…you could say it’s all a bit much. But it’s fun (most of the time) and I’m trying to embrace this season of life and do every task or job I have to the best of my abilities. And as you can see that doesn’t leave much time for writing anymore let alone time for me to even stop and hear myself think. Please understand I didn’t say of any of this to brag or make it sound like my life is so much harder than yours or that no one is as busy as me or to get anyone to feel sorry for me. I have a reason, promise.
As a human being that busy, and especially as a young woman I am bound to have a few breakdowns here and there or maybe even some pity parties…Or my favorite…are you ready for this? Sometimes I let my emotions get the better of me. I know, crazy right?
BUT with the jobs that I have people often times put up on this pedestal, a pedestal that I hate actually. Or they have this idea in their head of what they think I should be, how I should act, expect me to never get angry or upset, and definitely to always keep my emotions in check. So any form of humanism that I think I’m allowed to have is out the window in their eyes. They tell me to be myself, yet the second I do I get told that I was wrong…..how ironic.
People look up to me, I get it. Trust me I do. I’m not going to go all Miley Cyrus on everyone, at least I don’t plan to.
But people putting me up on a pedestal is dangerous. For them and for me. Young girls look up to me, friends who are dating are looking up to me and my marriage, people tell me I just seem to have it all together, that I’m perfect…and on and on. But the truth is I don’t have it all together and I’m not perfect. Not even close. I’m Human just like everyone else. I have flaws (many actually), I mess up, I say things I shouldn’t, I get pimples on my face (like all the stinking time), sometimes I don’t wash my hair for three days (don’t judge me), my marriage is sometimes a really hot mess, sometimes my life is a hot mess that I don’t know how to even try to keep up with, sometimes I don’t vacuum for two weeks, I don’t have time to even clean my house when I want to anymore, I always feel like a horrible friend because of how busy I am…and so on. Hopefully you get the point by now.
Interestingly enough I was told the other day that people were trying to imitate me and my relationships, my marriage, and what I have. STOP doing that. I beg you.
What works for one person or one specific couple doesn’t mean it works for everyone. It’s dangerous to try and mimic people’s lives like that. You don’t see what goes on when no one is around and what I actually go through on a daily basis, or the issues my husband and I face. It’s even worse than most couples because we are in ministry. Yes, it is great and even encouraged to have spiritually influences you look up to and seek wise council from, we do that for many people, but you have to draw the line somewhere. Don’t try and be someone else. And definitely don’t try to be me. Be yourself and know who you are in Christ.
I have real struggles, I have real life that I have to try juggle that sometimes seems impossible, sometimes more so than the average person, and sometimes I just act human about circumstances because I’m not super woman. I can’t be, I won’t ever feel bad for that. I can’t. Putting me up on a pedestal automatically sets me up for failure, because I am human and I will disappoint or let someone down at some point in my life or do something someone doesn’t like whether I mean to or not.
I’m not a rockstar and I don’t have it all together. I’m flattered people look up to me, and I do my best to be a good, God fearing woman for people to look up to. But I can’t be something I’m not. And I am not super woman. You don’t have to try and be either. Despite what many people say, I believe it’s okay to be human sometimes. God sees me and knows me and my heart. That’s what matters.
Be the best you that you can be and be happy with that.
1 Samuel 16:7
But the Lord said to Samuel, “Do not look on his appearance or on the height of his stature, because I have rejected him. For the Lord sees not as man sees: man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart.”
Ephesians 2:10 ESV
For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them.